I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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