I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
