I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
