I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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