carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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