He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
