Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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