She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
