All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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