Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
