DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
