i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize