'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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