Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
