Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
