im drinking this country out of the recession.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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