So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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