i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
