I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
