I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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