How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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