I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
