dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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