My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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