Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
