I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
