I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
