I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
