im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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