I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
