You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
