I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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