Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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