Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
