she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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