I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
