The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just high enough for therapy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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