Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
