Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
