He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
