True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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