I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
