we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
