we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's great music for shaving your balls
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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