my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
