Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
