I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do vagina's smell?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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