Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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