oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize