Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Text me some of your sweat
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
