She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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