mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize