What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
