She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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