i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize