the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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