I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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