So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize