i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
