Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
