Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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