she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
