Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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