I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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