My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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