Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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