What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
