People with herpes should wear stickers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
