Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
