I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
