Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
