i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone came in the potted fern
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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