He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
