apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if only i could text you this smell
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
