He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
