East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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