He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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