It's like a parade of train wrecks.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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