I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize