i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she peed on how many people?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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