New invention idea: vibrating tampons
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
